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Does anyone else find when you are tired and you have to show up for the day, you do very, very little? I’m almost becoming ok with this. I have my own office, and I can shut the door. Yet, there are times I’m frustrated even then, because I want to be focused and pursuing that next assignment.
The cat crew kept me up from 2:30-5 am this morning with disagreements, hiding under the bureau, and then it was just me being totally awake because my fight-or-flight response had been triggered. When I woke again at 7 I felt like I had a bad cold and considered calling in sick. No, that’s just waking up after the wee hours cat interruptions.
I have had a history of being overtired. It’s one of my major categories on WordPress! It happened before I had cats too. If you look at my other blog, Shy Cats Diary, you’ll see it might be hard to believe at one time I had zero cats. It was a mistake!! I wish I had gotten cats sooner–it might have led to a productive life sooner–but after I left for college in Vermont, dropped out, continued to be depressed, and began to move around, I was catless. I sleep very lightly. At at one time in my life, I would not be able to fall asleep until it was getting light out outside.
Even when I had cats and was just in school again and not working, I couldn’t get enough sleep. I journaled instead of sleeping because I felt awful but was too wired to sleep.
One of the amazing things about my boyfriend, Clay, is his ability to sleep–the kind of sleep like that when, in the movies, people move all the furniture out of the apartment and the person keeps on sleeping as long as they don’t move the bed. Or they probably do move the bed–with him in it. How can he just drop things like that, forget about what’s worrying him, and trust that whatever happens around him while he sleeps doesn’t matter–including me ruminating on his sleep habits and how he’s, as we’ve often jokingly fought about–“taking up the whole bed.”
It is Halloween and I put pumpkins out on the porch steps, gave candy to the two small groups that came by the porch, showed my neighbor how to take care of the cats when I am away, and vaccuumed the rug. These few little things were easier than sitting in my office contemplating the latest employment discrimination rebuttal. Maybe they will allow me to sleep tonight.